You are not American's Next Top Model

Yesterday I took advantage of the sun to scope out a spot on the side of the house that I've long thought would make a great setting for a family portrait; you know, that thing I'm always trying and failing to get!

On the side of the house there's a stack of logs for our landlord's fireplace. In front of the stack are several large tree stumps, laid out just like seats.



I thought I'd check out the lighting over there, the angles, how I could possibly set up the camera and how the timer would work.

The first thing I learned was that 10 seconds is definitely too short an amount of time to get from behind the camera over to the logs. The next thing I learned is that being a model must actually be incredibly hard. No more model jokes from me!

Anyone can take a dramatic looking shot of their face with some awkward camera angling, an far off gaze and some some low lighting, but what about the rest of your body?

I had no idea what to do with it.. it's inelegant, ungraceful and imposing. The results of this experiment are laughable, and I'm not sure that I can, even in context of my long-awaited family portrait, show my face again at the wood pile.

Attempt 1: Hunching over like a dude. Where are the feet?



Attempt 2: This reminds me of an early America's Next Top Model episode. I can hear Tyra Banks asking what's going on with my awkwardly bent arm, and why does it look like my butt is hovering in front of the log instead of on it?



Attempt 3: If you can't beat your height, use it, right? Still no idea what to do with arms or hands. Looking like I've got a bad taste in my mouth.



Yep.. some might suggest I need a day job. Maybe I'll try the family portrait this weekend..